Twenty - Three
by xSuchSweetNothingx
Summary: "Our story isn't a love story at all. It's a story of everything I've given to you, and all the ways that you've taken advantage of me. And how I love you anway." Bella / Edward. OOC. Mature. Drabble. This Story is True, only with Different Names and Physical Features.
1. Chapter 1

**Twenty - Three**

* * *

Twenty-three years.

I've known you for_ twenty-three_ whole years.

I've liked you for twenty-two and three quarters.

I've loved you for twenty-two and a half.

And I've lost everything I've ever had in the past ten because of you.

No, that's not right.

I've given up everything that I've ever had for you in the past ten.

* * *

_**A/N: **This story is going to go quick. I'm really just writing it as I go along, but this story is close to, no, it's in my heart_

_Though this story is not my own, it is completely true._

_It belongs to someone that I love very much._

* * *

**~ Harlow ~**


	2. Chapter 2

**Twenty - Three**

* * *

I was twenty-four when we first met, only three years older than you.

I was the manager at the Overtime Bar and Grille and you were the new security guard.

I'll be completely honest; I thought you were gross.

You were muscular but the wrong kind. I preferred lean and bulky doesn't even cover what you were.

If you were an ice cream flavor you would have been rocky road.

You flirted with every girl, anytime, anywhere. You always had that stupid smile stuck to your face, the one that you still have today.

I didn't just dislike you, I hated you. You were annoying _and_ ugly, which _really_ isn't a good combination in anyone's book, but you still got girls so you never had any reason to change.

You couldn't get me, though.

Well . . . not until you did, of course.

* * *

_**A/N: **Don't forget to review :)  
_

* * *

**~ Harlow ~**


	3. Chapter 3

**Twenty - Three**

* * *

I rejected your advances four times before I finally agreed to go out with you.

I don't know why I decided to give you a chance.

I _really_ don't know why you were so determined to be with me.

But I guess that doesn't really matter.

I guess what matters is . . . I did go out with you.

You took me to an arcade.

Your cousin was the manager there so we got free tokens.

I remember telling you that I wouldn't give you or your friends free beers from Overtime.

I remember your exact reply.

"I don't have any friends, Bella," you'd said with a smirk, "And I don't drink."

And you really didn't. Have any friends, or drink for that matter, I mean.

Why didn't I think about what that meant?

People don't just live life without friends for no reason.

But it made me feel special.

You wanting to spend time with me, and not anybody else, made me feel special.

You made me special.

And on that very first date, _you _became the best part of _me_.

* * *

_**A/N: **I don't think that most people understand the meaning of the word addiction._

_Addiction: The fact or condition of being addicted to a particular substance, thing, or activity.  
_

_She got addicted to the feeling that she got from being wanted; addicted to a feeling._

_A feeling that she'd never felt before, or perhaps that she never let herself feel before._

* * *

**~ Harlow ~**


	4. Chapter 4

**Twenty - Three**

* * *

You became my best friend.

We did so much together.

We even lived together for a short time.

But you ended up moving to Florida after a few years had passed, where you became a police officer.

And I stayed home.

After a time we grew distant.

Lost touch.

I went to nursing school and became an LPN.

One night I started thinking about you and went back to where we began.

Overtime.

That's when I met Emmett.

* * *

**~ Harlow ~**


	5. Chapter 5

**Twenty - Three**

* * *

Emmett was a cool guy - he still is.

He probably would have been better for me than you.

But that's skipping through the story.

Emmett and went on three dates before I got a call from you, saying that you were in town.

I cancelled my fourth date to see you, giving Emmett the excuse that my father was sick and I needed to take care of him, to which he wished my father well.

You came over my house that night.

But then so did Emmett.

And when you answered the door . . . Emmett left.

And then you left to go back to Florida two days later.

And that feeling of being desired left me cold and wanting.

* * *

**~ Harlow ~**


	6. Chapter 6

**Twenty - Three**

* * *

Time passed slowly.

Days.

Weeks.

Months.

Until finally you called.

"I'm getting married."

I think . . . I'm pretty sure that was the first time that you broke my heart.

I'd thought that you moving away from me was bad, but it didn't feel like this.

Like you would never want me again.

Like I wasn't important to you.

Like I wasn't important.

* * *

**~ Harlow ~**


	7. Chapter 7

**Twenty - Three**

* * *

I'm sorry to say that I don't remember much of what happened after that.

I was in a rut.

And then I got better.

Emmett and I got back together.

My heart healed but left a scar.

You left a scar, though.

I was never able to love Emmett.

We dated.

I introduced him to my parents.

I guess you could say we were serious.

But I never loved him like I loved you.

And I couldn't forget that.

* * *

**~ Harlow ~**


	8. Chapter 8

**Twenty - Three**

* * *

Morning sickness.

Fatigue.

Missed period.

I had to know.

I went to the pharmacy and got one of those home pregnancy tests.

And then when I saw that plus, three thoughts filled my mind in this exact order:

1. _Oh my god._

2. _I'm going to be a mom._

And 3. _Could she be ours?_

* * *

**~ Harlow ~**


	9. Chapter 9

**Twenty - Three**

* * *

I went to the doctor to be sure.

He told me I was six months along.

The times didn't add up.

You'd been gone for four months.

My baby wasn't ours; it was Emmett's.

Even so . . . you were the first one I called. "I'm pregnant."

I could hear the smile in your voice when you replied, "That's awesome!"

And then I felt a little bit better.

"Who's the father? Is it Emmett?"

"Yes."

"Well; what did he say?"

"I haven't told him yet."

"Oh . . . well, congratulations!"

And then I knew everything was going to be okay.

I was a big girl.

I could do this.

I hung up the phone and called Emmett.

* * *

**~ Harlow ~**


	10. Chapter 10

**Twenty - Three**

* * *

Emmett wasn't so thrilled.

"Is it mine?"

"Of course."

What kind of person did he think I was?

"Are you sure?"

"Yes, I'm sure; who else's would it be?" I'd said defensively.

"Edward's."

We argued for over an hour.

In the end . . . I knew I'd be raising this baby on my own.

* * *

**~ Harlow ~**


	11. Chapter 11

**Twenty - Three**

* * *

Two weeks had passed before I realized that I had to fight.

It wasn't right.

It wasn't fair to my baby.

My baby shouldn't have to grow up without a father.

My baby should grow up, loved to the fullest extent.

So I called Emmett. Went to his work. Went to his house.

Tried to tell him that, though I didn't expect him to marry me . . . he needed to be there for our baby.

But he'd moved on.

He was seeing Rosalie.

And after a month of fighting I decided that I could love my baby so much that she wouldn't need a father.

That she would be happy with just me.

And then when I really thought about it . . . I really loved the idea.

She would _need _more than anyone else.

She would _love_ me more than anyone else.

She would _want _me more than anyone else.

She would _want _me more than you.

So she wouldn't leave me.

She would _never_ leave me.

* * *

**~ Harlow ~**


	12. Chapter 12

**Twenty - Three**

* * *

I'd always known that my baby was a girl, but the doctor confirming it only added to my excitement.

He also told me that I'd need to take a break from work soon.

Being a single parent, though . . . I was going to need to take a second job.

At the time I was working a night shift job, passing meds in a resident care home.

My mom assured me that she'd be able to watch her, but . . . would she really be okay without me?

I wasn't so sure.

I was her mother, after all.

But there was no other choice.

And at that point in my pregnancy . . . for the first time in a short time . . . I thought of you again.

And then I needed to hear your voice.

"Hello?" you'd picked up on the third ring.

"Hey."

There was never any awkwardness between us.

I told you everything.

You told me that I could do it without Emmett.

You told me that it was normal for me to be stressed.

You told me that the baby would be fine with my mother, who you've never been fond of.

And then you told me not to worry . . . that _you_ would make sure that I wasn't lonely any longer.

* * *

**~ Harlow ~**


	13. Chapter 13

**Twenty - Three**

* * *

I don't really know what I'd thought you meant when you said that I wouldn't be lonely anymore.

But I do know that a part of me sincerely wished that you meant that you would come back to me.

That's not what you meant, though.

I went into labor shortly after we spoke.

Four hours of horrendous pushing, nearly breaking Leah's, my sister-in-law, hand.

She was born at seven pounds, two ounces.

And she was beautiful.

She was my Vanessa.

* * *

**~ Harlow ~**


	14. Chapter 14

**Twenty - Three**

* * *

When the nurse put her in my arms she slipped into right into my heart.

And you were right.

I didn't feel lonely anymore.

I didn't think of you as much, either.

Actually . . . if I'm being honest . . . I didn't think of you at all.

For a while.

* * *

**~ Harlow ~**


	15. Chapter 15

**Twenty - Three**

* * *

I met Jasper a year later, who, in hindsight, was actually a lot like Emmett.

He was kind, funny, and owned his own contracting business.

He had a girlfriend, Alice, but despite that fact he still spent time with Vanessa and I.

He would join us at Renaissance fairs, he would take us out for ice cream, he would play with her . . . he was the father that she didn't have.

But eventually Alice demanded that he stop seeing me, and I started feeling lonely again.

Vanessa wasn't enough anymore.

I needed more.

I needed you.

* * *

**~ Harlow ~**


	16. Chapter 16

**Twenty - Three**

* * *

Years passed.

Vanessa was almost five when I got a call from you.

You and Kate were getting a divorce, and you were moving back home.

You were coming back to me.

You were excited to meet Vanessa, and eager for me to meet your boys. Seth, who had just turned four and Paul, who was two.

I was ecstatic.

I'd missed you terribly, and you were finally coming back.

We were going to be a family.

I was finally going to have what I'd wanted my whole life.

* * *

**~ Harlow ~**


	17. Chapter 17

**Twenty - Three**

* * *

I'll never forget the day that you met Vanessa.

She looked up at you with stars in her eyes.

For years she'd always asked me, "Mommy, how come all the other boys and girls have mommies and daddies, but I only have a mommy?"

I could never lie to her, but I refused to break her heart so I'd told her, "You have a Daddy, and he loves you very much. He's just not ready to be a daddy yet."

But with you . . . maybe she could have a father.

That night she'd asked me if you were her daddy.

I told her no, but I wished that I could have told her yes.

* * *

**~ Harlow ~**


	18. Chapter 18

**Twenty - Three**

* * *

I saw Emmett a week later at a red light.

Vanessa was in the backseat, and he was alone in his truck.

When he looked over and saw me . . . I could just tell.

"Do you want to see her?" I asked flatly, nodding my head towards the back.

I didn't want him to see her.

She was mine.

But that would be selfish, and it wasn't fair to Vanessa.

"Uh, sure," he finally said, and he followed me into a parking lot.

I opened the backdoor and he said hello.

She was adorable.

"Who's this, Mommy?" she asked, kicking her feet.

When Emmett looked at her in her little booster seat awe covered his features.

"This is my friend, Emmett," I'd replied.

I wasn't sure of where things stood.

And it would take a long conversation with Emmett for me to allow him into her life.

"Hi, Emmett," she'd said, waving her hand excitedly.

She wasn't aware of how, despite her having my big brown eyes and curly brown hair, she looked very much like him.

Very much like she was his daughter.

We only spoke for a couple minutes before I closed the door and got back in my car.

"Hey, Bella," Emmett had called through his window, "Can I get your number?"

I'd nodded tentatively and gave it to him.

Nothing was for sure, but something told me that he'd call.

That he wanted her.

And if he were to call . . . I couldn't refuse Vanessa her father.

* * *

**~ Harlow ~**


	19. Chapter 19

**Twenty - Three**

* * *

Two weeks passed before he called.

"I want her," he'd said.

You and I talked about it.

She deserved her father, regardless of whether he deserved her.

And so I said okay, and Emmett picked her up one day to take her out to dinner.

You stopped me from calling over ten times that night.

And then he brought her home.

Everything was okay.

Until you weren't satisfied.

* * *

**~ Harlow ~**


	20. Chapter 20

**Twenty - Three**

* * *

"We should move in together."

It took two years for you to say that.

The amount of time it took to finalize your divorce.

I remember how it felt to smile that wide.

I was so happy.

And we did move in together.

In the process, it took Vanessa out of her school and thirty minutes away from her father.

It only lasted six months, though.

Six months.

After years and years of wanting you . . . all I got was six months before you asked me to leave.

I told myself it was your medication.

I told myself that it was my decision.

I told Vanessa that it was my choice, too.

Her and I moved into a small house, tucked back in between two larger houses in a suburban area.

I missed you, though.

Even though you told me that you didn't want me anymore . . . I wanted you.

* * *

**~ Harlow ~**


	21. Chapter 21

**Twenty - Three**

* * *

We lived there for a year before you called me.

Begging.

You were begging me to take you back.

Apologizing.

Saying that it was the steroids you were taking.

You've always been into your appearance; you didn't realize how they changed you.

And I believed you.

I took you back.

And when I hung up the phone . . . I cried.

I'd spoken to you in the basement so Vanessa wouldn't hear me, so I wasn't quiet.

And it wasn't pretty.

I cried until I couldn't cry anymore.

I wasn't happy.

I wasn't relieved.

I was disappointed in myself.

I knew I should have stayed strong, that I shouldn't have taken you back.

You'd hurt me.

And that hurt Vanessa.

And you could do it again.

And eventually . . . you did.

But not before you'd moved into my house with Vanessa.

And not before you convinced me to move a state over with you, to move into a town home.

I don't remember being happy.

But I remember feeling like you wanted me.

And that was enough.

That's always been enough.

* * *

**~ Harlow ~**


	22. Chapter 22

**Twenty - Three**

* * *

Two years passed.

Every other Friday, Emmett and I would meet at a midpoint between both of our houses so that he could see Vanessa for the weekend.

You resumed your classic car business, which consisted of you buying and selling cars on Ebay.

I got a job at a resident care home down the street.

For a while . . . everything was great.

You were off the steroids.

You were yourself.

One day, though, while Vanessa was walking to my work to volunteer after school she was stopped.

A woman had just moved into the neighborhood, and she had a daughter Vanessa's age, as well as a son Seth's age.

That was how we met Tanya.

* * *

**~ Harlow ~**


	23. Chapter 23

**Twenty - Three**

* * *

In the beginning Tanya wasn't a problem.

The kids would sleepover her house every once in a while.

They'd go over for dinner.

It was normal.

Her and I were even friends.

But then she saw you.

And then she started talking to you.

And she stopped talking to me.

And I think that I knew then . . .

I knew then that she was going to become a problem.

* * *

**~ Harlow ~**


	24. Chapter 24

**Twenty - Three**

* * *

One day when I got home from work you weren't there.

To most that wouldn't seem odd but you never leave the house unless if it's to go to the gym.

And your truck was in the driveway.

I looked in your office.

I looked in the basement.

The bedroom.

The bathrooms.

The back deck.

And then I called your phone.

"Hey, babe."

"Hey. Where are you?"

"At Tanya's; she needed help moving her couch."

I should have known then.

You _never_ do _anything_ for anyone.

Not even me.

* * *

**~ Harlow ~**


	25. Chapter 25

**Twenty - Three**

* * *

It took you an hour to come home after I got off of the phone with you.

In that time many things happened.

I cleaned up the dishes in the sink.

I had a nearly twenty minute conversation with one of my employees.

I greeted Vanessa when she came home from school.

I changed to go to the gym.

And I debated on whether or not I should ask you.

Ultimately, though, I decided to trust you.

And when you walked in the door I hugged you, and despite her distinct smell in your shirt . . . I kept quiet.

Asked you how your day was.

And then we went to the gym.

The whole time thinking . . . '_I should have just asked._'

* * *

**~ Harlow ~**


	26. Chapter 26

**Twenty - Three**

* * *

That happened over and over again.

I'd get home from work to find that you weren't home.

I'd call you to hear that you were helping Tanya do something or other.

And then when you came home I'd act like everything was fine.

A part of me thought that maybe this was a good thing.

You'd never shown interest in having friends before.

The doctor had recently put you on anxiety medicine to help you get over your social issues.

This meant that it was working . . . right?

But why did it have to be a girl?

More importantly . . . why is it that once you became friends with her . . . she no longer wanted to be friends with me?

That could only mean one thing, right?

You had to be cheating on me.

You just had to be.

So finally, one night when you came home after spending time with Tanya . . . I asked the million dollar question.

"Are you sleeping with her?"

* * *

**~ Harlow ~**


	27. Chapter 27

**Twenty - Three**

* * *

"Are you serious?"

You were furious.

I said nothing.

Anger is one of your defense mechanisms.

It's one of mine as well.

"Yes I'm serious; it's a simple question - answer it," I'd spat in your face.

I remember hearing a door close upstairs.

At the time I'd ignored it though.

"I'm going to pretend that you didn't just accuse me of that."

"I haven't accused you of anything."

"You better not have because I haven't done anything wrong."

And you know what?

I truly believe that, in your eyes, you really didn't feel like you've done anything wrong.

But that doesn't mean it's right.

"You don't get to decide that," I'd shouted.

"I'm not sleeping with her."

I believe you were telling the truth.

"But you have feelings for her."

"This is ridiculous; I don't have time for your shit."

You don't have time for my insecurities.

That's nice.

I should have left you then.

But I didn't.

I dropped the conversation and more or less ignored it completely.

And by dinner time everything was back to normal.

Vanessa never mentioned anything about the fight.

Actually, it was then that I noticed that she hadn't spoken to us at all.

For a month.

I was so involved in my problems with you that I didn't even notice that my daughter hadn't spoken to me in a month.

* * *

**~ Harlow ~**


	28. Chapter 28

**Twenty - Three**

* * *

"Vanessa?"

"Hm?"

I'd walked into her room tentatively.

"Is something wrong?"

She didn't even look up as she answered me, "Nope."

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah."

I'd examined her, sitting at her desk, hunched over her textbook.

I think it was a math book.

I hated math when I was in school.

"Are you doing homework?"

"Yeah."

Her voice was so monotone.

Distant.

Unattached.

She didn't have any desire to talk to me.

"Are you upset with me about something?"

Her back snapped up straight and she turned and glared at me, "I'm trying to do my homework."

"Is that all?"

She ignored the question, instead going back to her homework.

I'd sighed and stood to leave her room.

Before I closed her door, I said, "I love you."

And after I closed it, when I was halfway down the hall, I swear I heard her say, "Don't lie to me."

* * *

**~ Harlow ~**


	29. Chapter 29

**Twenty - Three**

* * *

I'd payed closer attention to Vanessa the following week. And in doing so, I realized that she was intent on avoiding us at all costs.

When she came in the door I'd ask how her days was, to which she would reply, "Fine," and walk up the stairs to her room, and close to door tightly behind her.

At dinner, I would try to ask her if she learned anything new, to which she would reply, "Yeah," finished her dinner, and walk back up the stairs to her room, and close her door tightly behind her.

Before bed, I would peek my head into her room and say goodnight, to which she would reply, "Night." Then I'd tell her that I love her, to which she would reply, "Thanks," and ask me to close the door behind me.

At the end of that week I finally approached her.

"Is something wrong?"

"Nope." She didn't even turn her head.

"Then why won't you talk to me?"

"I am talking to you."

"I mean why haven't you been talking to me lately?"

"I haven't had much to say."

I could tell that the conversation was going nowhere. "You're mad at me for something, and I want to know what."

She looked up at me with fire in her eyes, "Do you realize how unbelievable you are?"

I was taken aback. "_What?_"

"Do you not realize that the last time I really had a conversation with you was over two months ago?"

"Yes; that's why I'm trying to figure out what's wrong."

She shook her head, chuckling to herself. Her fingers pinched the bridge of her nose.

"Vanessa."

"You really want to know what's wrong?"

"Yes!"

She stood abruptly, and with each word she spoke she took a step closer to me, "It has taken you, my _mother_, two months to notice that there is something wrong! I haven't spoken to you - you should have noticed instantly! And do you know why you didn't notice? Because you don't care about me; that's why!"

"What?" I'd been breathless.

How could she have honestly believed this.

"All you care about is _him_."

I had _never_ heard Vanessa speak that way before.

The words did not come from a place of anger.

They came from a place of resentment.

Of hurt.

Of . . . _hate_.

* * *

**~ Harlow ~**


	30. Chapter 30

**Twenty - Three**

* * *

In my view, it was impossible for Vanessa to feel that way.

How could she possibly think that?

I was there for her from the beginning.

I could have done what Emmett suggested; gotten an abortion, or birthed her and then handed her over directly to him and Rosalie.

But I didn't; because I loved her.

Just as much as I did then; as I do right now.

"You're being dramatic," I'd said to her, "You know that's not true."

Looking back, I realize that it wasn't the right thing to say.

In saying that, I was basically telling her that I didn't value her opinion, her feelings.

That she wasn't important.

And I know what it's like to feel that way.

But later on that night, when I brought up the argument to you, you agreed.

You knew how much I loved her, and said that it was just her being a teenager.

I should have tried harder; I realize that now.

If I would have been in the right frame of mind, I would have probably left you then.

Because it showed that you didn't care very much for her either.

That you don't care very much for either of us.

* * *

**~ Harlow ~**


	31. Chapter 31

**Twenty - Three**

* * *

Time moved on, and our relationship changed.

Instead of feeling appreciative of the things I would do for you, you simply began to expect them.

An omelet with bacon waiting in the microwave for you at whatever time you decided to get up that day.

Lunch prepared for you in the refrigerator.

Laundry.

A clean house.

A pleasant attitude.

And so you began to take advantage of that.

Stay out longer.

Say less.

Want more.

And Vanessa started to show her dislike of you.

You two fought often.

Which caused her and I to fight.

I couldn't tell you how many times she threatened to move into her father's home.

To leave me.

All the terrible things she said to me, and the equally terrible things I said to her.

Eventually I came to the conclusion that the only thing I could do . . . was leave.

Not leave you, but leave your home.

Because you made it very obvious that it was not mine and Vanessa's.

* * *

**~ Harlow ~**


	32. Chapter 32

**Twenty - Three**

* * *

You didn't believe me when I said I was moving.

You told me I was being stupid.

You told me that I was mad over nothing.

You told me that I couldn't make it on my own.

You told me that I couldn't be without you.

And you know what? I believed you.

But that didn't stop me.

However, even when you left the house as the movers came, refusing to help Vanessa and I move into a better life . . . I loved you.

Just as much as I always did.

Just as much as I always will.

* * *

**~ Harlow ~**


	33. Chapter 33

**Twenty - Three**

* * *

You came by the new place, a two bedroom, two bathroom with a loft, that night.

You said that you liked what we did with the place, and I smiled.

Right after that you asked for the keys to your house back.

Vanessa opened her bedroom door, threw it on the floor before you, and then slammed the door closed behind her.

I didn't reprimand her.

I knew that you deserved it.

I was more gracious though.

I gave it to you and promised I'd still come over every morning before work and make you breakfast.

* * *

**~ Harlow ~**


	34. Chapter 34

**Twenty - Three**

* * *

When I came by for lunch the following day _she_ was there.

Tanya.

I screamed.

I yelled.

I accused.

I hit.

I slapped.

I tossed.

I kicked.

I punched.

I hated.

And I left.

I was done with you.

I told you to stay away from her and you didn't.

You really didn't want me anymore, and I saw that, so I left.

* * *

**~ Harlow ~**


	35. Chapter 35

**Twenty - Three**

* * *

"Mom . . . is something wrong?" Vanessa had asked me at dinner that night.

I should have said I was fine.

I should have changed the subject.

I should have kept my mouth shut.

I shouldn't have done what I did.

But I did.

I told her everything; the things she did know, and the things she didn't.

And everything in between.

Children aren't meant to hear the terrible things that adults do; the terrible ways that they treat each other.

And because of that . . . her hate for you grew.

Her despise of the man who her mother was in love with cannot be described by words.

And her disappointment in me . . . the respect that she lost for me from all that I let you put me through . . . I just can't.

* * *

**~ Harlow ~**


	36. Chapter 36

**Twenty - Three**

* * *

Three weeks passed.

The texts you sent . . . countless.

The missed calls . . . numberless.

The voice-mails . . . immeasurable.

You missed me.

You loved me.

You needed me.

You wanted me.

You were sorry.

Because of these . . . you were forgiven as well.

And, unbeknownst to me at the time . . . I was not.

Vanessa could not forgive me for getting back together with you.

* * *

**~ Harlow ~**


	37. Chapter 37

**Twenty - Three**

* * *

"You're pathetic!" she yelled once I walked in the door.

I'd been shocked.

"He realizes that if you're gone he's not going to have someone to wipe his ass for him, so he sweetens you up and you go _crawling_ back to him!"

"Vanessa, you don't understand - " I try to say, but she cut me off.

"Do you even care that he's just using you? Do you even realize that he doesn't want you?"

"Vanessa, you are way - " she cuts me off again.

"I can't even stand to look at you," and she actually looked away from me. "You're a worthless excuse of a human being, and I have no respect for you."

"Vanessa!"

"It's impossible to respect someone who doesn't respect them-self!"

* * *

**~ Harlow ~**


	38. Chapter 38

**Twenty - Three**

* * *

Our lives moved forward.

Vanessa was in eighth grade now.

We moved again, downgrading to a one bedroom apartment in a less expensive neighborhood.

I started working a second job.

You and I split and made up a few more times.

Several times, if I'm being honest.

And I continued talking to Vanessa about it, whenever she would ask.

She was my only friend; my thirteen year old daughter was my only friend.

I mean, she's always been very mature for her age but my god, a thirteen year old was the only person I could talk to about my problems with you! My family didn't want to hear it anymore; when I'd call they would just hang up.

And Vanessa hated you more and more and more.

Not for anything that you've done to her, but for what you've done to me.

And though she even told me that she realized that it didn't make sense for her to only blame you for our problems . . . she did.

Because of her loyalty to me; the loyalty that formed when I was her only parent.

When _I _was the only one who wanted _her_, though I never allowed her to feel that way about her father, that he didn't want her.

This loyalty could not take the strain of what I was doing to her, though.

Hurting her; making her feel as if I wanted you more than her, making her feel like no one truly wanted her, truly loved her.

And she did something that I never thought she would do in the summer before her freshman year of high school.

She left me.

* * *

**~ Harlow ~**


	39. Chapter 39

**Twenty - Three**

* * *

"How could she want to move in with _him_?" you asked when I'd told you. "She hardly even wants to go there every other weekend; up until last month she had even stopped going to see him. It just doesn't make any sense."

Before we moved into the one bedroom apartment Vanessa _had_ decided to stop seeing her father. Three months passed before I was able with the help of my mom, to convince her otherwise.

Where did it come from?

I had no idea.

What was she thinking?

I had no idea.

Could I change her mind?

I had no idea.

Were things really that bad?

Yeah. They had to have been.

* * *

**~ Harlow ~**


	40. Chapter 40

**Twenty - Three**

* * *

Vanessa was excited.

As she packed her bags she told me of all of the renovations she was doing in her room.

They'd changed the bubblegum pink to lime green.

They got her a new bed-set.

They got her matching curtains.

They enrolled her in her new school - which was fifth in the state.

She was so excited. She was so excited to be leaving me.

Looking back now, after several talks with her, I realize that she really _didn't _want to leave me at all.

She needed to - she needed to get out of the situation.

She needed to distance herself from our relationship.

Vanessa didn't just not want to catch me anymore when I fell . . . she couldn't.

Her arms were sore - her heart had taken as much of a beating as mine had.

Because every time she caught me after you pushed me down, after you broke my heart . . . and I came right back to you . . . I pushed her down.

And who was there to catch her?

Not her father - she's never been close with him. She didn't even trust him; she didn't believe that he cared for her.

Not her grandmother - she was too far away to do any real damage control.

Not you - she wouldn't have wanted your help even if you offered it.

No one was there to catch her.

She had to catch herself.

* * *

**~ Harlow ~**


	41. Chapter 41

**Twenty - Three**

* * *

Vanessa was situated in her new house, and with her first day fast approaching I had wanted to spend some quality time with her.

I took her to the beach, just her and I. We laid on our bellies next to each other, sharing her ear-buds to listen to some of her favorite music.

It was the most beautiful day of the year - maybe even the most beautiful day of a few years. The sun was high and bright, but there was a nice breeze to offset its heat. The waves were soft but ever-moving, and the seagulls were far enough that they weren't pesky, but close enough to be heard.

And it was just her and I.

And I was happy. Really, truly happy.

I never knew that I could be happy with _just_ her.

I never knew that I could be happy by just laying down on a towel next to her.

I never knew that I could be happy by just hearing her sing along to the words, however terrible her voice might be.

I never knew that I could be happy without you.

I never knew that you weren't the key.

I never knew that . . . that . . . I didn't need you.

But Vanessa taught me that. It was too late for me to try to get her back - in fact it wouldn't have been fair to even try.

But I knew, then, that I needed to devote more time to her. Time without you. Time with _our_ family, hers and mine.

Because you weren't apart of that.

You've never wanted to be our family.

* * *

**~ Harlow ~**


End file.
